39 weeks & Your Birthday!!!!

For "Emma"

So, I am a little behind on your blog. Mostly because at our 39th week doctor's appt. on 9/17/09 we got some exciting news that you would be born the next day! When we went to the appt. we were just hoping for some "progress" but doubting there would be any. However, the doctor reported I was 1cm dilated and 40% effaced. Then there was more news though. The doctor said you were breech and I was measuring small. This was a scary moment because I hadn't been feeling you move quite as much and I was so worried something was wrong with you. They did an ultrasound and nonstress test and thankfully you were fine (in fact they predicted you were going to weigh in at 8lbs). My fluid was just low and sure enough you were breech. The doctor then informed us that it would be best if we scheduled a c-section for the next morning. I experienced a flood of emotions...relief that you were okay, excitement that you would be here, but also a little disappointment that we wouldn't have the experience of rushing to the hospital, of me knowing what a contraction felt like etc.

Now, I laugh at that part...little did I know I would still go into labor overnight! Around 1 am I started having contractions, but was thinking "These are just irregular, they will go away". That was not the case. By 3am they were 2-3 minutes apart and regular, so we rushed to take showers, call the doctor, etc. Your Daddy was so nervous that my contractions were coming that quickly, but he did a great job getting things together and making sure we got to the hospital safely. We arrived 2 hours earlier than scheduled (5am instead of 7am) and they immediately got my information and started pre-op for the c-section. They did one last ultrasound to make sure you were still breech and you were. I joked w/ Daddy that it didn't surprise me and that you just took after me. I hate being upside down!

Pre-op felt like it took forever...mostly because of the pain! And while the pain was miserable, I felt blessed to have had the experience of labor and rushing to the hospital. The other reason pre-op took forever though is that it gave me way too much time to think. I was really nervous about being cut open while awake, having only had 2 hrs of sleep and feeling exhausted, and knowing that in just a little bit I would be responsible for a new life. I wondered "What if I don't feel attached?", "What if I wasn't a good Mom?"

After app. 2 hrs in pre-op they finally took me to the operating room. Your Daddy waited while I got my epidural/spinal combination. I was nervous too that it somehow wouldn't work, but within minutes the entire lower half of my body was numb -- so much that I couldn't resist laughing when they transferred me from one bed to another because of how weird it was to know my body was there but not exactly feel it. After they got me settled, they called Daddy in, who I was thankful to have by my side. The c-section went well (other than some shakiness and nausea) and I just tried to focus on you -- wondering what you would look like and if you would cry right away, if you were healthy vs. focusing on them actually cutting me open! I'll never forget it when the doctor finally said to your Daddy "Okay, about a minute and she will be here. Do you want to watch?" Daddy stood up to look and I looked at the ceiling praying that I would hear your cry when you came out and know that you were doing okay. Sure enough, you came out screaming & before I knew it they were rushing you over to the table to clean you off, weigh, and assess you. You weighted in at 6lbs 3 oz (weight off from their 8 lb prediction), 19.25 inches long. I watched with a clear view of you and Daddy while the nurses were taking care of you. While I thought you looked perfect, so tiny and adorable, I was shocked by the black hair! (It will be interesting to see if it stays, since my grandma commented that my mom was born with black hair, but then it turned blonde!). Then the most amazing moment of my life happened. I say the most amazing "moment", because while I have had many experiences that have touched my life, no single moment has touched my life in the way that you did after the c-section. Daddy brought you over to me and you were crying, but as soon as I started talking to you, you stopped crying and just starred at me. It was in this moment it dawned on me. You knew exactly who I was -- Your Mom :) What an amazing moment of bonding. It was in that moment I realized everything was okay. God had blessed us with a wonderful daughter and had given me the ability as your mom to take care of you. I don't mean in the sense of always knowing right away what you would need, but in having that special connection with you.

We spent 3 days in the hospital and thankfully my c-section recovery was faster than normal. I took very little pain medication after the first day and was up, showered, and ready to go. This allowed us to be able to keep you in the room w/ us all three nights, so that we could learn as much about taking care of you as possible before leaving the hospital. In fact, I think there were only two five minute time periods that a nurse took you for assessments, that we didn't follow you to the nursery too :) It wasn't that I was opposed to the idea of you going to the nursery, but we were all doing great & we wanted you with us as a family...

During the 3 days in the hospital, you had relatives visit on both sides along w/ some of Daddy and Mommy's friends. It made me thankful to see how many people love you. Our plan was to do a lot of videotaping, with everyone talking to you for the first time. As Ill share with you as you get older though, Mommy couldn't pull herself together enough for the videotape. Every time I thought of you or what I might say, I couldn't help but sob. I was just so overwhelmed w/ happiness and love for you. So, we did some videotaping, but not as much as we had hoped. Sorry:( Hopefully this blog about those first days will help make up for it...

On the third day, we were released & it was time to take you home! I always thought this would be the most anxiety-provoking time, but just like many things in life, things rarely happen as you would predict. This time turned out to be one of the most calm times, w/ me enjoying holding you in your car seat and watching people smile at us as they wheeled us out to the car, then sitting in the backseat with you as Daddy nervously drove us home, and finally laughing as we sat you on the kitchen table in your car seat and asked ourselves "Now what?". It was strange -- we were back to our life at home, but in a very different way! It wasn't 10 minutes though until Daddy was making lunch, Mommy was doing some cleaning in the kitchen, and we were taking you out of your car seat to show you around your home and feed you. Somehow, so quickly, everything took on a new "normal".

It has been a little over a week now, and you have been such a good baby! I think Daddy and Mommy have managed to at least get 3-4 hrs of sleep each a night & have enjoyed so many "firsts" with you already - first time taking a bath, first time going to the store, first time at great-grandma's house and grandma Dia's house.

It has been an amazing journey and only the beginning. We thank God so much for you and for watching over our family throughout this pregnancy, labor & delivery. On several occasions (during my quick c-section recovery, at the pediatrician when you didn't cry) people commented "That is a miracle" or "You must have someone watching over you" which reminded me of God's love and protection.

Emma - I don't know what the future holds, but I pray every day that God continues to watch over you as you grow and us as a family. I pray for happiness in your life, contentment, and a continued closeness to God. We love you and feel blessed that God has entrusted us as your parents.